Roadblock Activist

There was an interesting account in the news from my home state of Tennessee a couple of weeks ago.  It was Independence Day weekend and the local police department was running a DUI checkpoint. That in itself is not unusual. I live near a popular DUI checkpoint site. It's on a road with a long stretch of limited access levee on one side and a hill on the other. There's a boat ramp at the base of the hill that allows a convenient place to stage a secondary checkpoint. By the time you see the checkpoint you are committed to going through it.

I've got friends in law enforcement and can understand how this routine stop can go wrong in a hurry. I'm sure the officers are on a level of alert of which most citizens are never aware.  We' just annoyed by the delay and the possibility that we might not be able to lay hands on our driver license or proof of insurance quickly enough.

Imagine approaching this potentially tense situation with the intent of drawing undue attention to oneself. Why in the world would anyone on that?  One young man did just that by complying with the most literal lette of the law instead if the spirit of the law. He intentionally made the police officer uncomfortable. He politely, but with an air of arrogant self-righteousness, refused to comply with requests beyond his interpretation of the letter of the law. 

Ultimately, this young man was detained for a secondary check.  His vehicle was searched by both a dog and officers.  While his passive protest was within his right, it created a waste of valuable resources that were in place to help protect the community from persons who were actually breaking the law.  Could his energy have been used more constructively at another time, in another way? 

Perhaps our roadblock activist felt this was the best way for him to make a statement and bring awareness to what he perceived as a continued erosion of our rights as citizens as stated in the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Perhaps he was right, but please, don't abuse law enforcement officers working to protect their community through unnecessary provocation.

Faith Matters

Sometimes, I find it hard to completely trust other people. I'm not talking about the kind of casual trust we tend to have all the time. We trust other drivers on the road, on some level, to be responsible. We trust parents to take care of their children. We trust athletes to do their best in representing their teams. We trust our families to more or less love us as we are. We trust spouses to treat us with love and respect. We trust the mailman to deliver the mail and the weatherman to give his best weather forecast. We trust people in so many different ways every day that we don't even realize we have trust in someone until we lose that trust. When, in some way, our trust is betrayed,  we become reacquainted with that seed of doubt and caution that serves as a layer of protection.

 

I'm interested in a deep-down-to-the-soles-of-your-feet kind of trust. It's more faith than trust. It's the sort of thing that allows you to completely surrender your mind and body into someone else's care and protection. That's not something that's easily earned. It requires a surrender of self that doesn't come naturally to adults. We make mistakes. We betray trusts. It may not be on purpose. It happens. That's not a condemnation. It's human nature. That's why I find it so hard to completely trust, or to have faith in, others.

 

I was in a position where I needed to have faith in someone this week. I had to trust my doctors to complete a medical procedure to the best of their ability. I had to trust their staff to prepare and perform their jobs well and efficiently. I had to have faith that this would happen while I was completely helpless.

 

I remember laying back on the surgical table, made as comfortable as possible with a pillow and blankets.  I closely watched the surgeon's face as I breathed deeply. I saw an expression of concern and concentration. It was compassionate and calming. He and his staff helped me move beyond trust to the calming reassurance of faith. I am grateful.

It's a crazy world we live in. Perhaps, if more of us can find someone in whom we can have faith, we will be able to find an element of peace in our lives that goes beyond what we can see and touch. Faith really does matter.

 

From Google and the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Trust: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

1a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed

2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

Faith: Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

Punting Practice

I'm not a big football fan.  I'd rather watch soccer any day.  I can, however, appreciate the need for the football punt. Just get the bloomin' ball back in play and get moving. I'm pretty sure I've written about that before but sometimes you have to be taught lessons more than once.

 

I spent last Sunday afternoon sitting in a field writing and thinking.  I was working through some final mental preparation for my upcoming hip replacement surgery.  I left my pastoral bench feeling less anxious and as prepared as I knew how to be.  Then came Tuesday's pre-operation final check-up.  Any time the medical staff says they need to take another look at labs and possibly repeat a test more carefully, it's not a good thing.  I left the appointment with no certainty what the following 24 hours would bring.

 

Those of you who've followed me know I am a person who likes lists, and goals, and plans set in concrete.  The uncertainty left me disoriented.  What do you mean the surgery may be postponed?  It's scheduled.  The rest of my summer is planned around rehab and recovery.  I have a plan and goals in place.  Well, it seems that it's really not a good idea to have hip replacement surgery if another condition exists that leaves you very vulnerable to infections that can affect the implants.  It makes perfect sense but my well planned world crumbled with the news.  Could it be that God wants me to learn to be more flexible?

 

Here I am, waiting again.  Now, I'm waiting to resolve what, hopefully, will be a minor medical detour on my way to total hip replacement.  I don't look forward to this.  The next couple of weeks have the potential of being either extremely painful or they could be a complete bust on the exciting news scale.  More than likely, it will be somewhere in between.

 

Since I'm still in pre-operation status, I'm still not allowed to take the more effective pain medications I've taken for the last several years.  I'm learning from this as well.  I remember my great-grandmother talking about how her legs hurt at night.  I'd watch her rub her thighs and knees with liniment.  Now, I understand more fully.  I catch myself rubbing away little spasms of pain during the day that are like faint echoes of the night pain. I'm learning I need to allow more time to do things. My body moves more slowly than I expect. Projects don't progress at the pace they could just a couple of weeks ago.

 

Have I been impatient when someone needed to take more time walking down an aisle in a store?  Have I been less than sympathetic when someone was dealing with pain?  I hope not. I understand more completely now. 

 

I'm taking my football and punting it into the future.  I don't know exactly how this is going to work out but I do have an eventual goal.  As long as I'm moving toward that goal, even if I'm moving more slowly, it will be all right.

Crutches

It's been another challenging week. I've taken a necessary leap of faith by following doctor's orders.  I've stopped taking my normal medications for pain 7 days ago. I'm thankful the weather has been pleasant and warm. I've always heard that cold or damp weather would make the old joints more sore. I've been tracking the weather for several months and haven't found a clear, reliable correlation between my pain levels and the weather but I still put some faith in years of human experience and tradition.

Nonetheless, I now know for a fact that the pain I've felt hasn't been a product of my over active mind. Yes, I can just imagine calling the surgeon and telling him, "I'm so sorry but apparently I just THOUGHT there was a problem. Let's just cancel this whole surgery idea." That would have been nice.

As the week has gone by, I find myself looking for things to hold onto. It's almost like when I had toddlers along on a shopping trip. I always made sure I knew where the public restrooms were everywhere we went.  Now, I'm looking for hand holds and landing zones for myself. 

Someone at church today mentioned how he'd used crutches in the past.  He was talking about things or actions we come to believe are necessities: coffee to wake up, a beer to unwind, a cigarette to relax, good chocolate, etc. We all tend to have a few but do we really need them?

As I anticipate needing to use real crutches after surgery, I'm prompted to consider if there are some other  crutches I need to throw away. Maybe, just maybe, I need to de-clutter more than my home. It's something to consider. 

Time to Walk the Talk

Do you have days where you just can't find your get-up-and-go?  Moxie, that's what I need a good dose of right now.  Anybody got some to spare?

 

The past few days have been challenging for me.  As the date for my hip replacement surgery grows closer I'm finding that I'm struggling.  This is not at all the kind of feeling I had in anticipation of the birth of my children.  That was energizing in some way.  That was the emotional response I was expecting from myself in the days leading up to my surgery.

 

I suppose I have been equating the two as positive experiences of epic, life changing proportions. The days and weeks leading up to the event are increasingly physically uncomfortable.  There will be a tremendous amount of work to do after I return home. Maybe it's the amazing hormonal changes that come with pregnancy that make the difference.  They help to help equip us women physically and emotionally for the challenge. I don't have that advantage this time around.  The comparison has not turned out to be a good one.

 

I've been working to keep a positive attitude.  I've been talking the talk.  Now, I need to kick myself into action and walk the talk.  A little more spunk with a dash of defiance, that's what I need, because I really am mentally tough enough and physically strong enough to do this.

The Toughest Lessons

My life is about to change.  In all honesty, you can say that every single day you wake up, but, my life is about to change in a different kind of way.  I've made the decision to have hip replacement surgery.  It's been an option for me for at least a year, probably longer. I was just too stubborn to go to the doctor to find out. 

 

All the work I've done over the past several months has been in preparation for this.  I've researched and read.  I've worked hard to lose weight.  I've worked hard to change my diet.  I've worked to replace bad habits with good ones.  I've poured myself into service opportunities and worked to develop a more positive attitude.  I've tried to find something good and positive in the events of each day. I've worked hard to prepare myself physically and mentally. 

 

I delayed going back to see a doctor until circumstances made it clear that it was time.  A few weeks ago I tried to do an easy hike with my older Cub Scouts.  I couldn't finish it.  I had to double back and let them go ahead with other leaders. I didn't even attempt a much shorter hike  just a couple of weeks ago because I knew I would slow them down too much.  This past Friday night, I needed to be able to run to check on someone who'd had a wreck in front of our neighbor's house.  I don't know if you can imagine the frustration I felt when I realized I couldn't run even if someone's life depended on it.  That is my absolute final confirmation that it's time to do something.

 

I have a surgery date for later this month.  I know enough to know there can be delays so I'll not post the date here.  I'm nervous, anxious and excited all at once. I've done the things I should do to prepare.  Now, I've got to learn to have faith and to trust God and my surgeon.  Those may be the hardest lessons of all.

His Own Good Time

It's been a crazy, busy week.  The first few days were spent trying to make sure my 14 year old and his robotics team had all the chances they could to get together and practice for their competition. That involved a lot of driving back and forth from one place to another since the rest of my responsibilities didn't go away at the same time.  He also and a 2 night camp out the end of the week. There was much time spent making and checking lists as well as packing for the two events.

 

This week is my 13 year old son's turn.  His robotics team competes Thursday.  Thankfully, he doesn't have a camp out immediately afterward.  It's a little simpler but still, as a robotics team Mom, I try to be there to offer support and suggestions for all our county teams.

 

Herb and flower seeds I spread in my little garden about 10 days ago are germinating.  I thought I was more careful, but I must have 1000 basil plants.  I'll have to thin them a lot. I'll try to re-pot some of the plants for resale. Perhaps some of those abundant seedlings are from my lettuce leaf basil from last year went to seed.  I bet that's where all those basil babies are coming from.

 

I've been pretty anxious as the end of this week approached.  There was the competition and camp out.  Those were going to require seven hours of driving in one day on my part. The hardest part was that I was expecting a phone call from my doctor's office.  I'm on his waiting list and I knew they were going to start calling people from this list on Friday.

 

I kept my phone with me all day.  I kept checking to see if I'd missed a call.  I made sure it wasn't set to silent more than once. Was the ring volume up? As the hours passed, I was more anxious. I tried to relax. There was no guarantee I'd get a call this week.  It might be a few weeks before the call comes.  "It's no big deal", I kept telling myself.  How long can that waiting list be?  Five o'clock came and went.  I really doubt doctors' offices make routine phone calls after five o'clock.  I stared at the clock as it passed the 17:00 mark. (Yes, military time.  Never miss an opportunity to make your children think harder.)

 

Unspent nervous energy is not a good thing.  I and my youngest went to a very energetic exercise class Saturday morning.  That helped but I've been feeling the anxious energy return.

 

I know I can be a little preachy. I guess it's in my blood.  I'm descended from a line circuit riders and ministers.  I supposed some of that was passed down to me.  Sometimes, when I'm at church and I finally quite my mind and heart from the weeks chaos, I receive answers to questions and concerns I've had.

 

Today, that happened again.

 

Isaiah 55: 8-9

8 ¶For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

Psalms 27:14

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

 

So, I'll wait. I'll try to wait with patience.  I'll continue to work to strengthen myself spiritually and physically. I'll work like it all depends on me. I'll pray like it all depends on God. I'll wait for God's timing and his plan.